A drip of ink that hails from my pen entails a deep wound from a daughter’s heart. Forgive me but sarcasm has taken me off guard, and I speak this with a stripe of resentment running through the deepest part of my veins.
Sure, I gazed at you once like a toxic acid that if spilled, it contaminates pure water. You never even lighted a candle at home so we were held from the shadows of our unhappy past, certainly! And yes, before I forget, I looked at you as a weight to our family. You always break rules. Or better left said, never had a rule in life.
So let me tell you how I heard people define a “father.” Because beyond doubt I don’t even know how a father should be a “father”, like a real one.
They said he is his daughter’s first love. No, you never were.
He is somebody who’ll instantly pick me up when I fall. But you pushed me so I fell instead.
A Dad is someone who will raise my spirits after countless failures. But in its place, I heard you saying I’m a loser all the same.
He is somebody that holds me when I cry and assure that everything will turn out right. Thus far, you feasted your eyes on it as a pure whining, soothing me is just nonsense.
You were even the most terrible Father they’ve ever known. Having no permanent job and yet you’re from top to toe guts consumed you to gamble, drink, smoke, blah blah, in short undependable. Now that is tragic.
But here and now that I’m a grown up, I fully realized what costs you to be my Daddy. Besides, when you’re drunk and were beaten by some men, my heart is in ruin and at the depth of my being is weakening. At the back and front look of your irresponsibility, we can never deny that you’re still our father and we love you anyway.
Amidst those miseries, I chose to see the brightest side of you because there are still lots about you which people cannot see. Only a daughter knows. Only a daughter knows how her father’s heart breaks in silence every time she’s hurt.
So in the present day I will burst out drips of serenity, having you at your worst explains why sometimes I pride myself standing on my best. You pushed me and that means pushing me into my limits. You sharpened the cutting-edge of me so I won’t step back that easily when life thrash at me.
You didn’t teach me how to live, you let me live on my way.
I love you Dad! You are not the best father in the universe but I think you are precisely unique. Happy Father’s Day and I just want to thank you for being you!
P.S. Thank you for not literally beating me not even once so I ended my childhood not being whipped. 😀