He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. – Psalms 40:2
This happened midday of Thursday last week when one messenger came in our office to deliver one package from Pakistan under the name of my colleague, however it occurred that my office-mate was nowhere to be found so I was obliged to receive that box.
Upon him handling the acknowledgement paper, I politely asked where can I look for the receiver’s column since I cannot identify our company name listed on it. He firstly displayed an annoying are-you-blind look as he uttered ‘tsk’ that left within me a gosh-you-are-so-dumb feeling. Then he said in a very snooty voice, “See it. I already ticked it with a pen.”
In full tremor, I was frozen in bitterness and disrespect. My sugary smile turned into a melted cube of ice as coldness spilled over me. I knitted my eyebrows and gave him a what-is-your-problem look as I penned my name and signed. That point of furious seconds, above and beyond a monster-faced alike, my right hand started to quiver as I wished to punch him in the face. I over-reacted out of rage. I did.
As I handed back that document, he coughed and arrogantly asked, “Where is your name here?” I smirked, glared and distantly said, “See it. I already wrote it with a pen.”
He looked up with a topsy-turvy stare as he equally realized that my eye brow was actually raised on him while talking.
Out of that significant situation, I swiftly felt a different thing inside of me that I cannot shed light on especially when I saw his troubled face. Conscience, I guess. But I stagnantly persuaded myself that it is just a payback time and so he deserved whatever snobbery is backfiring. I settled of scores between us thinking that we should equally share the same pain in the neck.
Yet, as he started to walk out I heard him meekly said, “I’m sorry madam ah” and I was deeply moved. I suddenly realized that my pride caused burden and blame on him.
That way I knew intensely how I was thoroughly locked in mud. Did you ever try walking in a muddy path and avoided that wet thick soil but still accidentally treaded on it? I tried several times and as I pull back, the extreme amount of weight tied my foot. Once more as I dragged my foot up it struggled me even more. It is not until removing my foot from that stuck slipper and only then I can get out from the quicksand.
What happened between me and that guy put me in a couple feet deep of mire. No matter how I tried to keep my cool, I was still entangled by arrogance and self-centeredness. I wanted to run after him and say sorry too but I couldn’t move. In that deep pool of dimness I knew I wronged him as how he mistreated me, and only appeasement can take away the weight out of me.
It is true that the human flesh weakens in most vulnerable times and the devil triumphs when we are defenseless. I did not watch over my heart in diligence for out of the heart comes those evil deeds. I did not lay gentleness in my tongue so perverseness breaks my spirit.
In the book of Romans, it is well-written that we should overcome evil with good. Never avenge yourself but leave it to the wrath of the Lord. In the contrary, feed your enemy if he is hungry and give him something to drink if he is thirsty.
However by simply thinking of an “enemy”, doing so is not easy not until you surrender yourself to Jesus. That is why Pastor Peter Tan Chi of CCF once said that the Christian life is not hard, it is impossible. The Christian life is not easy, it is super natural.
With what happened, I humbled myself before the Lord and asked for His forgiveness as I did pray for that guy that whatever he is going through that affects his attitude, may he be delivered. Furthermore, may He stretch wisdom and guidance to me because I cannot do it by myself. True enough, when you started walking with Jesus, everything is changed that the human mind cannot understand. Arrogance is replaced with humility, hatred with love and a twist of fate from bitterness to goodwill through grace and faith.