Before anything else, I am puzzled whether or not I’m scribbling the right words and the right motives in the right time. But just so you know I’ve been thinking of opening my heart and to pour what’s inside as sincere as I possibly can.
Getting on in years makes me quiver as it prompts me once more over my never-ending single life. In a month I will be turning twenty-something again and just like any other women, I am similarly being ganged by worries and fears, been struggling and been anguished by aloneness.
So I will be very honest here. Almost certainly, I’ve been praying for a man who sweeps me off my feet, gives me a feeling of euphoria and a weak in the knees. Then I am in hope that he should be showing up sooner than later.
I’m not in a rush… not yet. I think so. I just felt the pressure weighing down on me. Just few weeks or a month ago, my best friend “reminded” me that I’m not getting any younger and she’s got a baby son and I have none. So what about me starts getting a boyfriend, instead? It sounds, thus, unchallenging and effortless. And I wish having a boyfriend is just like grabbing an ice cream in a nearby supermarket and that’s it.
“What if I’m going to be single forever?”
Believe me, this is an over-dramatic question to my own self and it is terrible… the thought is terrible but what if it is real? I put so much emphasis on why do I have to be this pressured, and it sounds so terribly much. So I finally decided to pull back before getting myself hoodwinked from endless insecurities. Well, it is a fortunate thing to start trusting that every happening has its joy.
Singleness has a unique gift of its own as I surely believe in. And I also considered truthful that I am now in a waiting season of my life and certain of being in a priming process. To be prepared and be dressed of virtue for a man God intended for me to have.
Ladies, sometimes we are inclined believing that a fairy tale love is the best kind of love. We daydream. We fantasize. We imagine. Yes, I am guilty of this at times. I do have a lot of head-in-the-clouds every so often. Having
a prince charming suddenly appears to the rescue, takes you in a castle and you will live happily ever after same kind of old story. Just like that.
So I praise God I came into my senses. Meeting a mate doesn’t work that way. Never. It should include two sincerely intentional individuals who commit to be together, whatever it takes. Besides, they said love is not exclusively based on the feelings of the heart but the thought of it should also be heard. Yes, I value intention… intention of togetherness.
So yes, lately what I’ve been doing is refining myself to be the right woman instead of simply seeking or waiting for the right prince. Focusing on what I believe should be right about me instead of writing a list of man’s features in a piece of trampled tissue.
In the Bible, Esther is one of my favorites. Just like her, there is actually an awakening desire in my heart to meet that man worthy of my preparation of a good wife I will become. Having said so, I am praying and aspiring to get hold of Esther’s traits. But only for His grace will I ever achieve.
To be like Esther is not just a castle in the air. It can be realistic. And I want this waiting season of my life to cultivate the inner beauty in me, strengthen my virtue and build a character pleasing in the eyes of my God. To become a woman with etiquette, strong-willed, outspoken, generous and kind. I say, being supernaturally attractive is striving to live like Jesus and genuinely loves the Lord.
It may sound very religious and pure, but actually not that so. The relationship I get with the Father and the Son is better than those and the connection is beyond incredible.
Meanwhile, according to the apostle Paul, singleness is a desirable gift (1 Corinthians 7:7-8).
“I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.”
Remember, God gives us either a gift of singleness or of marriage. Is it wonderful to think that we may not know what our future holds; we know WHO holds our future though?
I used to think when I was not a Christian yet that there was something wrong with me and being single was a curse. Mygoodness! I can’t even believe myself for such.
For now what really makes my heart joyful is, my singleness has been leading me into a lot of things. Like, a lot. I am getting to know more about my priorities better than ever. Been getting on for more adventures, investing time in a higher education, compelling in a career growth, and mostly devoting my life in a ministry. Yes, my soul craves to be His servant.
Of course, I can always do these things when I get married eventually. But still, it’s different when it starts in you. The inner joy is indefinite to be described. I still do not know, but when the time comes I will be meeting my other half, we will both be doing more of these endeavors not to fulfill our own will but more of the Lord’s. How wonderful could that be?
So there, ladies please hear me out. I did pledge all this thought to God, that in the midst of my personal battlefield, I will always cling to His beautiful promise of not settling for less than His best. Thus women of God, a higher standard too (standard of Christ) should be regarded and be set.
For the time being, I will enjoy my singleness having faith, patience and confidence that God will take me anyway where He wants me to be taken, He will give me anyway to a man whom He wants me to be with.
For the time being, I will enjoy my singleness to live out His plan even if it doesn’t involve a man.
I am His daughter.
He loves me.
He will take care of me.