Dear Kristine: Marriage is most Like a Crucifixion

I am writing this without a single intention to tell the difficulties and joy of marriage because I’m personally ignorant in that matter, as in. I’m unmarried and it could be disqualifying to talk. Still, I will share God’s expression of marriage I learned all through my Christian walk.


Hi Kristine!

It’s now been 3 years since we parted ways to chase our own dreams. You got into marketing and management while I was involved into research and writing. It was truly ‘blissful’ for us fresh graduates that time to be able to finally pay our own bills. What twenty-one years old ladies could begin from braving a new life getting out from four years of university hardships.

It’s now been 3 years since we last experienced the less complication of life talking more of our chosen careers, chatting to ‘conquer’ the world thru backpacking (which actually didn’t happen yet.)

Gone is another chapter for you have stepped your right foot forward finally leaving behind your single life. Gone is another gloom for now you have painted everything in white. Time takes wing now you have become a very gorgeous bride.

Beautiful Bride Wide Desktop Background
© Google

My friend, I desired to pen this not to greet you purely but to voice how dear you are to me. So to speak what our Heavenly Father commands me to say as I bend to pray for this whole new journey.

But first let me tell you that today I feel like I am in seventh heaven, as pleased as punch, jumping for joy because I see you finally walking the aisle to forever. I saw you were pursued and now you are to be kept and loved by a man who I believe is your God’s best.

Beauty, Decency and Wife Wisdom

Wisdom is something I want to give a human face – a noble woman. Wisdom is therefore a woman to be searched for, to be chosen, to be won over, to be pursued, to be kept and to be loved for the time without end. Why she? She is refined, well-mannered, out-spoken, godly and kind.

I am delightful to your husband for choosing you over the other. While he was given countless chances to pursue another woman, he chose not to. He locked his heart on yours since the beginning and I am confident to tell him that he made the best decision of his life. He embraced wisdom, he embraced you. But I wish him to remember Proverbs 4:7-9:

The beginning of wisdom is this: get wisdom
Though it cost all you have, get understanding.
Cherish her, and she will exalt you;
Embrace her, and she will honor you.
She will give you a garland to grace your head
And present you with a glorious crown.

But why chase a decent and a woman after God’s own heart in the first place?


She is wisdom. A perceptive woman knows what she is doing because she grips godly principles.

She speaks pure words, words that are without wickedness, words that blesses her family and has a tongue that imparts her children with righteousness.

She trains her children in the ways of the Lord and they will not go astray.

I can go on and on without end to discuss what it looks like to be a noble wife and what it means for a man to pursue this kind.

Kristine, I know you are this narrative because you are His daughter and you are favored. I will furthermore pray that you will become more of a wife He is calling you to be.

Love, Sacrifice and Obedience

While I am thinking of a real something, I gratefully remembered C.S. Lewis’ marriage is most like a crucifixion so I decided to say his valuable phrase to tell you what’s spinning on my mind when it comes to husband-wife relationship.

Most like a crucifixion. It sounds horrifying and risky. It’s harsh. It’s threatening.

But as I dig deeper out of thirst to know the word of truth, He has given me understanding all the way through. Praise God!

The crucifixion in marriage is not about the hardship of building a home and sacrifices to raise your children. IT IS WHEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE EMPTY THEMSELVES FOR EACH OTHER.

It is dying to self and living for your spouse’s sake just as Christ died for all men so that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them (2 Cor. 5:15). True love must be selfless and always comes with sacrifice.

You see the relationship. Your husband is NOT THE ONLY accountable to empty himself for your sake (understanding your dramas, provide for your needs, caress you, loving you without conditions, etc) but you should equally empty yourself for him. It will never be like “one gives life and the other kills.”

Marriage is a great blessing when it is done right and surely a curse when it is done wrong. Marriage is a hard work in which you sacrifice so many things, you grow together, you pray together, you build together.

Kristine, this marriage will be a test of your character everyday as a woman, this I am sure of. I am likewise sure that you know this testing but you are still towards the inside of this commitment. No fears, just faith for a beautiful uncertainty.

I deeply give advice to forget yourself and focus on your husband which means devoting your life to him. We surely are strong women but never to be leveled in men’s strength. We may be independent by nature but never to be equal in their liberty and we may be capable but never ever to be above their authority.

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” (1 Cor. 11:3)

Men will always take the headship higher than women. This is God’s design. That is why it is important for a husband to be fully filled with the Word, significant for him to be wise in making decisions because he will lead the wife.

My friend, can you be a submissive one?

In today’s culture, we see some modern women who are tough, harsh, and vain, want to take the lead over their husbands’ headship. Are they going somewhere good? Maybe or maybe not. But I see some marriages that no longer a bond for peace but of race to who will lead and who should not, who will control and who should be tamed, who will achieve and who should keep quiet.

Submitting to your husband’s leadership is possibly a struggle, this I know. But you just submit not because he deserves it or he will be taking the merit. You submit because you want to obey the Lord’s command and it will be pleasing in His eyes. It will never be easy but what a joy to bring blessings into your home!

What’s more to bringing joy at home is to carry peace. Cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit, respecting and honoring your husband will be of great value to him. And I am sure he will never tell this, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” (Prov. 21:19)

As you will be this kind of wife, you will put the finishing touch of a PROVERBS 31 WOMAN by His grace.

You are worth far more than rubies.

Your husband has full confidence in you and lacks nothing of value.

You speak with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on your tongue.

You watch over the affairs of your household and do not eat the bread of laziness.

Your children arise and call you blessed; your husband also and he praises you.

A wife of noble character who can find?


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Daughter of the Star-Breather.

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