An Open Letter to my Worst Dad Whom I will Never Get Tired of Thanking

Hi Dad,

I could have never imagined myself writing a letter for you while I am once again in pain. You don’t have to know that my heart is unwell but I have to insist in letting you know. I promise you will not end this without shedding a tear out of the unknown feeling.

Final

You see, you are one of the least desirable fathers a typical daughter could ever wish for to hail every father’s day. You are one of the unkind things that could have happened in a normal daughter’s praise. In reality, I could have lived an image of a rebel and an angry daughter you never once want to happen. You gave me no care and I can payback a night mare. You showed me no warmth and I can be a spin-off of coldness.

And oh, I won’t stop writing about you because you always lay reasons for me not to.

People might ask me to verbally confront you instead of writing this “father’s day greeting” but hey father, did you forget that our relationship is different?

We talk as if we just met yesterday. The discomfort wins through us as we cannot share different stories in number of minutes. So might as well ‘greet’ you this kind. Will this be more than alright? I bet it is.

For almost four weeks now I was doomed to almost bitterness and anger for you made a decision that you’ve never thought a single of. Guess you never had a single thought of thinking before deciding one important thing.

It’s frustrating that because of that frail and thoughtless decision it affected so many people, relatives to be exact. No, it affected me and our family most especially leading to misunderstanding and unwanted heartbreak.

The most hurting of all is not the fight between us and our relatives but the single thought of you seem to never care that you are hurting us.

You think first and more for others before us and that makes us less loved, less cared and less regarded. WE are LESS and MORE of YOUR selfishness. You cannot blame me for telling this because that was what I saw. You acted obviously. I saw it very clearly.

You do not care because you do not love. You do not love and you do not care.

To encapsulate the result of your foolish decision, people started hurling me (not you) with hatred and disgust. I simply said NO opposing your YES to them and I instantly became their prey to be devoured by harsh, twisted and painful words for me to gulp down, pushing me into someone that thankfully, I am not. Me against the world, wow that’s huge!

Wait, I am not washing a dirty hand. I feel like a bit of a sufferer because of what I want to fight for. That caused me to keep on clinging innocence at some point and acceptance on my fault. No more than what I pray at this time of gravity is to steer clear me of bitterness and anger.

One more thing, please stop backstabbing me. For last month, you have talked against me on my back. For what you did, you became the perfect description of “You stabbed me on my back and pretended that you are the one bleeding.” Why do you have to speak words against me in my absence thus I cannot defend myself?

Oh now I realize, you cannot defend yours. You are afraid. You are a coward. You have nothing to stand for. You lack courage. You cannot endure horrible words from people so I was the one you’ve pushed in a desperate hole instead.

Don’t you know that a simple care is more than enough for me? Besides, I am your very own daughter who loves you very dearly and will not betray you despite all odds. For what benefits you when you turn your back on me and put your confidence to others? Have your sureness carry the day when you are old and less lovable will they not quit on you? How sure are you, really?

Every word you speak crushes my spirit. You may never hurt me physically not even once but the wicked words of your lips trod my soul. Is not the bleeding of skin more shallow than the sharp sword of words that deeply struck the heart?

Right now, I am given two choices: TO HATE OR TO HONOR YOU And I choose to choose.

Through it all, I choose to honor and will ever respect you because I love you..

Daddy, I said you are the ‘worst’ father in the universe when I was in high school. Forgive me as I will endlessly forgive you. To you father who is ‘worst’ in pushing me into my limits, you are one of the reasons why sometimes I pride myself standing on my best. Pushing me means you are refining a sharp edge of an appropriate shape of me to stand strong in the midst of a storm.

Forever will I see the brightest side of you because there are lots about you which people cannot see. Only a daughter knows. Only a daughter knows how her father’s heart breaks in silence every time she’s hurt. I know you do not have true friends because you never built one. You isolated yourself and told everybody that nobody loves you. Through it all, we will forever understand you.

“Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise-so that it may go well with you that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” – Ephesians 6:1-3

Daddy, I may no longer be under your authority now but I cannot outgrow God’s command to honor you. You may unceasingly upset me but I will never stop bringing glory to my Heavenly Father by revering, loving and valuing you through it all.

Despite the whole thing, still I am not too strong or too tough to not need a father’s arm. So I chose to choose once again. That is to look up to my Abba and ask Him to fill this longing heart with a fatherly love.

He didn’t fail me. He offered me more than an earthly father ever could (Mathew 7:11). He is a perfect Father (Mathew 5:48) and He desire to lavish His love on me simply because I am His child and He is my Father. (1 John 3:1)

Everything was orchestrated this way. Everything is made perfect in God’s way thus this sorrow is turned into joy, longing into fulfillment and the hunger for love has spilled over.

I knew and I will always know that you are my unique father whom I will never get tired of thanking. I love you. Happy Father’s Day!

Lots of Love and Respect,

Bittit

 

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Daughter of the Star-Breather.

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